To Forgive

Today a woman was hurt to the point of anger over words from me to her in an email. I hurt someone with my writer's wit, ignored the inner signals that told me not to click 'send', took a chance, and now two people are nursing a wound.

I want to blame the disembodied internet. The absence of voice, face, the feeling-tone of a whole multi-dimensional person leaves a whole lot of room for assumptions, projections, imaginings that may have little to do with how person feels herself to be. But it's not the internet and its sensual deprevations; it was me, moving too fast, high on a self-absorbed word streak.

With beating heart, I telephoned she who'd electronically shut me out of her life. We'd never talked before. When she answered, I beseeched her not to hang up on me. The taut voice told me I had the right number. She was barely able to listen to my apology, it felt like, just wanted to get away. I was near tears, said what I needed to say. Then there was silence, long silence. A few more words... then again silence, deep and timeless. In these mysterious islands of suspension, I fell in love. There she was and here I was, hundred of miles apart, connected in an intimacy that broke my heart open.

I am not now who awoke this morning.