Unsollicited Help

One of the gals at our store (art and antiques) and I were chatting during a lull this afternoon. It wasn't gossip, exactly, but the issue was another associate, let's call her Ms X. Ms X tends to come to the rescue whether or not a body needs rescuing. "I was tending to a client when she walks in and just takes over," says my friend in exasperation, "I just threw up my hands and said to her, 'okay! you want it? it's yours!' and I walked off." The exact same thing had happened with me, I said, and I just couldn't help being eeekily irritated. I said that being 'helped' without being asked had always put my teeth on edge. My growl just happens ("Grrrrr!", dog for "back off!") instinctively. As a Fire Dog (Chin sun) I'm pretty comfortable with instinctual behavior that's not meant to hurt, just put the message across quickly and efficiently. Plus, it's honest. If the interfering (my reactive self's interpretation for this kind of help) person happens to be a friend, we'll probably have a real conversation about it later.

In the case of Ms X, who is sensitive and wise as well as overwhelmingly helpful, the growl was enough, and I could tell by her eyes that further conversation wasn't necessary. She got it, and I got it, and we are closer than before.

This anecdote illustrates my aversion to unsollicited helping. As much as I can appreciate the intuitive angels who know just what a person needs, without words, I am more trusting of clear communication. "Would you like some help?" offers a choice, versus jumping in, which just feels too much like control.

Which brings me to the purpose of this blog. It seems to go against my principle to create it in order to be of help to vitiligans. But this is, in part, the reason: to help persons with vitiligo alleviate their suffering, even though no one has asked me to. In fact, it looks like my kind of help is not wanted by vitiligans in general. Except that it's not vitiligans-in-general I want to connect with, but vitiligans in paraticular, those passionate about getting under the skin of their malcontent ... and their joy. Come to think of it, I'd love to connect with anyone who is bent on pawing the ground of truth, sharing the nuggets they find, as I want to share mine.

What I really want to talk about is love. Relationships. Love-relationships of all kinds. What does this have to do with vitiligo? Vitiligo has everything to do with relationships. Everything has everything to do with relationships. Relationships have everything to do with everybody. What else is there? Really, what else is there but relationships.